Supporting someone through an unplanned pregnancy

The fact that you're here shows you care. That alone means a lot.

Supporting someone through this experience can be challenging—you might feel unsure of what to say, worried about saying the wrong thing, or struggling with your own feelings about the situation.

How to be there for them

Listen more than you advise

Often, what someone needs most is to feel heard—not to be told what to do. Try to resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or opinions.

You might say: "I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk. No pressure."

Let them lead

This is their experience and their decision. Your role is to support them in making the choice that's right for them—even if it's different from what you might choose.

Offer practical help

Sometimes the most helpful thing is concrete support: accompanying them to appointments, helping with research, or just being there for company.

You might say: "Would it help if I came with you?" or "Is there anything practical I can do?"

What not to say

  • ✕"I know exactly how you feel" — You don't, and that's okay.
  • ✕"Everything happens for a reason" — This can feel dismissive.
  • ✕"You should..." or "You have to..." — Avoid telling them what to do.
  • ✕"What about the father?" — Let them bring this up if they want to.
  • ✕"At least..." — Minimizing statements aren't helpful.

Your feelings matter too

It's normal to have your own feelings about the situation—worry, fear, even opinions about what they should do. You don't have to suppress these entirely, but try to:

  • Process your strongest feelings elsewhere (with another trusted person, or a counsellor)
  • Be honest without being overwhelming — "I care about you and I'm worried" is different from "You're making a mistake"
  • Remember that supporting someone doesn't mean you have to agree with every choice they make

Resources you might share

If they're open to it, you could share this website with them. Everything here is private, non-judgmental, and designed to help them think through their options at their own pace.

If they'd prefer to talk to a professional, there are several support services in Singapore that offer confidential, non-judgmental counselling.

Need support for yourself?

Supporting someone through a difficult time can be emotionally draining. It's okay to seek support for yourself too.

Mindline 1771 is available 24 hours for anyone who needs to talk.